At least the exchanging of gifts is.
I started off this year pretty expensively and as the year goes on the bills continue to pile up once I finally was able to move out. I knew from the moment I was pregnant that I was going to struggle financially because child support was not an option. The money would never be worth the trade off to me. But I had to move out, we couldn’t stay..not that we weren’t welcome. I just wasn’t ever going to become the good mom I wanted to be while we were there. Jax and I needed our own vibe, but now the vibe is shifting back to being negative again. Basically, I’m going to have to find a sugar daddy or sell myself on the street if I want to stay at my apartment through the end of the year.
I honestly am not sure what else to. I picked up a part time job and a side business when I didn’t get a new job. It just doesn’t matter. I was so ready to get my promotion that I got my apartment before I even had it. It was really naive and way too hopeful. I’m not writing all this so that you all reading this will feel bad. I am trying to remind myself to not get your hopes up. Maybe you guys need a reminder of that too. I tend to get my hopes up for myself a lot. I never guessed this was going to be the situation I was in. I went from an in love partying college kid to a parent overnight. Some days when my friends are last minute going out for a drink or planning fun trips I still imagine what my life would have been. It’s not that I would rather have a different life or anything. I just have to mourn the death of the day dreams I had for my future.
The reality is I’ve gotten a lot more than I can give from Jax. I now know what it’s really like to be in love. I’ve learned how to be selfless. I’ve learned the value of a dollar. That’s just skimming the surface he has made me into a better person than my future ever had in store for me. But how can I ever give back what he’s given me?
By now you are all probably wondering what the hell is happening with Christmas?!?! Come on y’all know I can turn anything into a pregnancy/baby sappy rant. This year I need to do things a little differently, especially because he is so young. For his birthday I have created a So Kind account. Basically, instead of people sending him toys he doesn’t need I am asking if people will give him the gift of donating to the many things he actually needs. My thought is most of my friends don’t want to go out to the toy store to pick out gifts anyways. More than likely they would have gotten me a gift card. This helps them out. Plus all our family wants to do is help us. Well respectfully… help me pay for these things lol.
Ok ok Christmas.. so last year I focused on the Christmas Traditions I wanted to pass down. This year I think along with instilling those traditions I need to need to teach him about the spirit of Christmas. That’s why “commercial exchanging of gifts” type of Christmas have officially been cancelled. First of all, we cannot afford to get anyone gifts and there for we will not be expecting any. Second, CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT GIFTS. Maybe I titled this wrong maybe it should be spending my money irresponsibly in December to give family and friends random gifts has been cancelled.
Jax and I will sing Christmas carols, give Christmas hugs or kisses and maybe just maybe have Christmas cookies to give out. So Merry Christmas y’all. We will also be reading a new Christmas story every day, going to church, reading the bible, watching Christmas movies and helping others to get into the Christmas spirit.
Family and friends if you are reading this.. this doesn’t mean buy him extra toys in fear that the Christmas tree will be empty lol. Let him learn a little will ya. I never ever had to worry about money and I am beyond thankful for that. Unfortunately, Jax won’t be blessed like that and I want to teach him to make the most of it. Not for him to feel like he is missing out. There is a life lesson on being positive in every situation I just gotta take the opportunities to teach them to him.