I used to bite my lip at every sexy bad boy with tattoos that walked by. My life was filled with bite your lip moments. I don’t feel like I get many of those anymore…
I’ve never been one to bite my tongue but Jax has given me a reason to. I can’t just say whatever I want and not have consequences. All my actions impact Jax. Yeah yeah save the speech on “how my life became not my own when I decided to have sex then got pregnant” I’ve heard it a million times and I’m not looking for a lecture. I just want you to hear my side of it. I’m trapped in a life where I have to let people take advantage of me so I gotta bite my tongue.
At home I had to bite my tongue when I disagreed with other people’s parenting styles, religion or habits were inflicted on my side. I still had my fair share of “discussing” views with my parents but tried to pick my battles. Unfortunately, I do not make enough money or have someone to help pitch in on rent to afford my own home. If my parents weren’t allowing me to stay I wouldn’t have anywhere to go so a lot of the time I bit my tongue.
With strangers I have to bite my tongue at all the inappropriate comments or questions, unwarranted advice and judgmental glares. I cannot go anywhere without people having something to say on my marital status or my age. I think it is hysterical that people have so much opinion on soemthing that has nothing to do with them. You would think strangers would just pass judgement at the fact that I look young or if my son is throwing a tantrum but I’ve had strangers ask me the most ridiculously personal questions that not even my family and friends asked when I got pregnant. I’ll admit I’ve told a few ladies to F off but for the most part I try not to let it affect me.
At work I have to bite my tongue all damn day. Every single time I answer the phone to a screaming parents. Every time someone asked me why I was working when I have a newborn. Every time someone criticized me for putting my kid in daycare and not having anyone to “help me.” Every time someone said I was unreliable when I’ve been nothing but. Every time I got overlooked.
I hate more than anything not being able to put people in there place. I may complain more than I should but I hope my actions are speaking louder than my words. I have this pair of eyes on me that I can’t let down. It’s hard to know you may be letting your son down or not doing well enough and it definitely doesn’t make it any better when the whole world around you is supporting that gut feeling.
…But there was this one time at a happy hour.. to be continued.