For those of you who don’t know I have two sisters. All three of us were adopted so actually I have two and a half. We’ve all known we were adopted before I can actually remember anything. My parents are the overly open ones with the things they deem important. The stuff we would more like to know needs to pried out of them but that for another time.
So I’ve always know I was adopted. I’ve also always known that I had a half sister. There’s a lot of hard things that come with being adopted but the one amazing thing you learn is that blood doesn’t mean shit. Family are people that you choose over and over again even when you hate them you still love them because they are your family. Blood can’t do that, it doesn’t choose your family. Now that I have someone blood related to me in my family this is confirmed even more. I choose Jax every single day. It is a conscious decision, although some is instinctual, to put him before myself.
I love when people use the word “real” when you tell them you are adopted. They say something like do you know your “real mom or dad.” The smart ass in me asks “which one is the real one? The one that gave birth to me or the one that raised me?” But seriously which one would you consider real? To me being a real parent is consistently showing up for your kid. I’ll tell you right now my womb donor is not my real mom. We share DNA but that’s it. Just like Jax and Jack. They share DNA but you don’t see him showing up.
All adoption stories are different just like every single person is different. There are no cookie cutter answers for how any party is supposed to handle these situations. There is me who has a good bit of information about my sperm donor and womb donor that I don’t not feel the need to know more. I have no interest and I never have. I live by the whole everything happens for a reason type life. Of course I overthink, get anxiety and so on but not really with this. I am good with leaving it how it is. May that’s out of anger or hurt or whatever it is but I’m not going to open the door to find out.
Then there are my sisters stories. Without sharing all of their personal information I will say this. One of my sisters hasn’t shown interest in who shares her DNA but my other sister. She believes she will find herself through that DNA. I completely support her in every decision she makes with that. Our whole family stands with her as she asks questions.
That life it just isn’t for me. Since I went to college I have become more comfortable with myself. I think I found myself and have grown into myself. I don’t think DNA has anything to do with that. I think self discovery is something you do on your own but maybe it was only like that for me. Everyone is different. Jax had a lot to do with my growing and finding. I’ve always wanted this. I’ve always needed Jax. Not saying it was the best way to do it but it was the right time for me. A few people said to me “the baby won’t fix you” or “won’t solve your problems.” That’s so true and I never expected him to. I fixed a lot of myself (still a long way to go though) all on my own with him as my inspiration.
Now I am trying to really get my shit together even more. I want move out. I am about to by a car. Come on guys I am like adulting. I may have just wreck my car... but I am really trying. 2017 it’s going to be the year. Even though everyone says that every year. I mean it. Adulting, soul searching and positive attitudes.. with a some major weight loss goals.
Sorry my heads a little all over the place today but I feel like that’s fair. Today is Friday my favorite day of the week besides Saturday and Sundays. You know those days that just feel like good days maybe too good to be true? For whatever reason I feel like that sometimes. My body must just feel the energies coming my way or something.
I was out smoking my last cigarette before I try to quit again. Some girl adds me on Facebook. I didn’t even really look at the name or pay any attention it. To be honest when I read it I read the boy version of her name so I thought it was some creep. When I got back inside I got a message and all I could see is “Hi I’m #}%^ I’m your half sister…”
I knew what this was and I felt guilty for not wanting it. My sister would kill to have this and I would kill for it to go away. This is just some innocent girl that wants to find something through her DNA but I have nothing else left to give.
Till next time… Here’s to womb that keeps on giving. If your still reading thanks for listening. Happy Friday.