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becomingjaxsmama

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November 2016

I wrote this for my best friend for a wedding contest.

First, last, & only. It’s been 7 years and he still gets to me. I was 16 when I met Shane. We met through a mutual best friend. He wasn’t into sport and I was the captain of our cheerleading team. He just wanted to be outside exploring life and I would rather spend my days anywhere indoors being pampered.

It started off as a summer romance between two teenagers. We spent all day and night together…we couldn’t get enough of each other. We spent a lot of our time in downtown leesburg because it had a lot of couple things to do for two broke teenagers. We both loved it because it’s historic and catered to both the things we liked to do. I liked to shop and eat. He loves outdoor adventures. But we both loved to explore history and go to the cheap movie theater to cuddle.

It must have been fate because there was just something about Shane. Within months we were both dropping hints trying to get the other person to say I love you first. Neither one of us wanted to be the first to say it because it was so soon into the relationship. But we both just knew. I was completely and deeply in love with Shane. Of course he was the one that said it first. One night it was really late we were sitting in my green Honda Civic outside of his house listening to music and making out. I remember it like it was yesterday. My radio was lighting up the car a slight blue. I started bawling crying because I was so scared of how in love with him I was. He wiped away my tears because he knew he felt the same. Shane looked at me and said “I think I’m in love with you..” we both paused. I said “you think?” Then he said “no I know I’m in love with you.” I swear both our hearts stopped beating until I said “I love you too.”

It wasn’t long after that we got promise rings. Everyone made fun of us and said it wouldn’t last but we knew what we had was real. To be honest everyone was jealous. We’re the lucky ones, after all who finds their soulmate at 16?

Don’t get me wrong our story is not a fairy tale. We have had those  earth shattering- hell opening fights that would make a weaker man run as fast as possible. That’s never been an option for us, no matter what we’re doing this life together. I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way because he is also my best friend.

Almost two years ago we spent our 5th Christmas together. It was the worst best Christmas we’ve spent together. I had the flu and  walked around with a ridiculous mask on the whole night. It didn’t seem to phase Shane. He still thought I was beautiful. This night changes our lives forever because a few short months later we found out I was pregnant. Ever since we were 16 we’ve talked about getting married & having a baby. Something half me, half him & ever perfect. I guess the time frame has changed a little bit but there’s one thing that hasn’t, I’m taking this head on with him by my side.

After telling him I was pregnant it hit me that this was real and I was so scared. But Shane wasn’t he told me it would be ok and started to get all excited. He was amazing throughout my whole pregnancy making me food, helping me clean and putting together everything for the baby. He even got a second and third job to help save money. Poor kid never slept and he didn’t even complain because he was so excited to meet his son.

When I went into labor he was perfect. Usually he would have been off exploring the hospital but he never left my side. The night I had Killian my love for Shane changed. It grew in a way I couldn’t even imagine or begin to describe to someone.

In August, Shane took me back to downtown Leesburg to see one of our favorite performances. We had been talking about going so we could share one of our favorite things with Killian. Right when we parked Shane jumps out of the car unbuckled Killian and completely takes off. This isn’t an abnormal thing for Shane to do. Of course I was annoyed because now there were a bunch of bags I would have to carry by myself so I waited in the car until his sister got there. 10 minutes later Shane came back to the car and was like “come on babe let’s go!”

We were walking across the street from what used to be the Tally Ho that we used to see movies at together all the time. Now it’s some kind of party venue. He kept saying “let’s see if there is anything exciting we can see at the Tally Ho.” He said it like ten times and I really started to get annoyed because I told him it’s not a movie theater anymore. Finally I looked up at it and I lost my breathe. On the sign it said “Natasha will you marry me?” I swear I blacked out because Shane gave me some kind of proposal speech as he got down on a knee. All I remember next was saying yes and there was a ring on my finger..

All I wanted since I was 16 is to marry my best friend. This past year has been full of ups and downs trying to figure out who we are now as a family but we somehow make it through stronger than ever. Seeing him as a dad has only reassured what I always knew he is my forever.

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I want to start by saying yesterday I did not vote. I’m not #withanyone I’m just a single mom 😉  I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at night knowing I had a hand in either one of the candidates winning. You can say I threw away my vote or whatever else but it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t. It’s over so we all need to start coping instead of gloating and bashing.

Yesterday night I went to bed knowing no matter who was elected we as a country would need to pull together and pray that this candidate didn’t fuck up our children’s’ future. Neither one was a good candidate but regardless half of our country was going to wake up angry.

As a mom I woke up angry because every day I want to try to teach my son to be a loving person and to care about other human beings. Right now that might mean teaching him to share, not to bite or hit and to help a friend when they are crying but its still the start of me trying to teach him to be a good person. But that’s hard to do when I feel like our country voted for hate and stood behind hate. Not only in voting for a racist, sexist, homophobic president but by how our country dealt with our options. During this entire campaign season all I saw was hateful posts about both candidates.I regrettably admit I was apart of it. I live too much of a grey lifestyle to be committed to either the democratic or republic party.

I also want to teach Jax to not be a sore loser and to roll with the punches life throws at him. My Facebook feed is flooded with “despair” over Hilary losing. There isn’t a damn thing we can do about it now so we all need to get on board. We have to make the best of the next four years because divided we fall, that includes political lines. I’m just as scared having Trump in the White House as I am if Clinton was in it but they were both for various reasons.

It’s hard to see what these next four years are going to look like but half of our country said that 8 years ago. I wasn’t on board when Obama got elected and I never fully agreed with everything he did but I grew to love him being in our White House. Everything will happen the way it’s supposed to.

Let all just love each other & be good examples of how to act in crisis for our children. May the odds be ever in your favor America 😉

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